Sitting in my car a little over a year ago, and echoing through my mind were the words of one who had gone before us “He is no fool who would give that which he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.” It was that night in my car that the irresistible call the Father had placed on my life years before had reached its era. Sitting there so scared and asking myself “Do I really have faith? Do I really believe He is enough?”, but it was His Spirit that granted me the peace that I could not comprehend, and laid my heart to rest.
That Wednesday evening I stood before the great family of Grace Baptist Church to inform you that I would be leaving to finish the work He prepared for me before the foundation of the world. As I prepared for that night I could not shake the thought that what I had to say was going to sound like foolishness, but it was that night that the Lord really began to teach me of His bride. It was so encouraging as tears and prayers were cried out on my behalf. I was questioned by many before my leaving about support and funding. This was something I really wrestled with, but could not leave the words of our Savior in the tenth chapter of Mathew telling His Apostles not to take food, clothing, or any means to raise support, but wholly trust in Him. A verse that I was so convicted by was Psalm 50:12 “If I were hungry, I would not tell you, for the world and its fullness are mine.” Not only is He alone capable of meeting our needs, He alone is more than capable of also knowing our needs. Therefore I was lead not to go under the umbrella of an organization, not that I think they are wrong, but solely that I would trust in Him and not the arm of the flesh. In this He has been so faithful, and after spending time praying over this I feel free in the Spirit to share a few clips from my journal here concerning finances over the past year. It is not at all my intention that this would be used to gain finances at all, and I ask that as you read this you simply rejoice in His glory and faithfulness.
Oct. 10, 2008- “I leave tomorrow for Mexico, and although I thought that I may be scared of the uncertainties I have been so comforted by seeing the Lord’s provisions. There is a plentiful amount of money in the bank that the Lord has provided, and this has served as a confirmation that I am going where He has called.”
Dec. 3, 2008- “I have almost been here for three months, and continue to see His faithfulness. I am picking up Spanish quickly, and have preached several times in my broken Spanish. I continue to be comforted at the Lord’s provisions! Not only have I not suffered any need, I have been enabled to help the family here with some financial need. He is sooo good.”
Jan. 22, 2009- “As I write today I am missing my friends and family that came to serve over Christmas, and feeling like I am becoming complacent in some things, both spiritual and physical. The Lord has been so faithful in providing that I often forget to pray that He would continue. It seems as though monthly support has dropped some, but I fret not because of money that is there that I know is sufficient. I know that my trusting in this and not in Him is wrong. Lord please teach me to only trust in you!” “I was reminded of this truth by Proverbs 3:5 this evening.”
March 2, 2009- “Lord I know you took that money because I was trusting in it and not You!(A couple days before I wrote this I was informed that all the money in the bank had been taken, and I knew this arm of the flesh had been cut off.) Although I am fretting I thank you for this that You will use this to teach me what it means to trust in You and not the arm of the flesh! God I pray that You will be faithful to your name, and that through Your provisions the nations will come to know you. Whatever you desire, only that your name be honored!!”
Sept. 1, 2009-“I began to pray for $1000 dollars today for the ministry, there are some needs, and it will cost some for me to move. I will stay faithful to only making needs know to Him. I am praying and believe the promise of Psalm 40:17 "you are my help and deliverer, do not delay, O my Lord." Talked to my dad and someone from his church gave $60! He will not delay!!”
Sept. 2, 2009- “Still praying and believing God that He will provide for the need. Today I talked with Leslie and he informed me that he has money to deposit. I am not sure of the amount, but I am rejoicing in the Lord's rapid response. I know faith will soon be tested. “
Sept. 5, 2009- “I went to the ATM today and there was over 15,000 pesos in the bank!! That is over $1000!! He is so faithful!!! He did not delay!! He didn’t even test my faith!! Oh! How I wish the lost would leave themselves and come to this Great God!!! I am so humbled that He would allow me to share in this grace!!”
Oct. 6, 2009- “I had to go today and reserve bus tickets for the group coming on Saturday to go to Chiapas and found out that I have to pay for my ticket to reserve the other tickets. I only have enough to pay for my ticket there, and not enough for gas to pick up the group on Saturday, nor to buy my ticket to return. Lord I know you have called me to this, and I will continue to go, just as the widow used the last of the flour trusting. If you choose to not provide, and for this to fail you are just, but for the sake of your name among the lost I pray for provision.” “I spend my last bit on reserving the tickets today, but was comforted by thoughts from Eph. 5. He loves his bride, and will care for her faithfully.”
Oct. 7, 2009- “I know He is good, and He will not delay!! I feel that this may be the test of my weak faith that He will use to continue to sanctify me. Lord let me remain faithful to only make known the needs to you, for you alone are able to supply. Please place in the hearts of your people this need. It is such a temptation to me to tell the people of God of this need today, oh, Lord cause me to only trust in You and not in your people!! For I know with one phone call more than what is sufficient would come, but I believe You are sufficient! Lord cause me to persevere!! God use this to make me more like your son!!” “I just received a call from my mom and someone from their church gave me $100!! He is sooo faithful! Once again He didn’t even test me! Thank you for not letting me fall!!!”
I just wanted to share a few of the many times in which the Lord showed Himself so faithful as regards to finances, and how He placed on your hearts to give in times of need. So many times in my life I lean on the arm of the flesh, and it will continue to be my prayer that He will continue to teach me to only trust in Him.